The cafe was dimly lit, whiffs of fresh ground coffee and sweet fresh baked bread filled the noses of the crowd. Antique chairs and tables filled the rather rectangular room allowing for rest for the weary travelers and passerby’s of New York City. The constant chatter of folks; the younger ones with friends or grabbing a warm cup of Joe before their daily rush, and the older ones who sat and observed like sloths watching the day go by. Footsteps from the people walking to and from tables, tapping of the shoes of those who stood in line, all came together in a chaotic symphony of drums and raindrops.
“Ding” went the bell that warned the baristas of their newest customer, although this one was not here to enjoy the quiet setting, but to make it alive. He walked slowly through the crowds, passing by the long table the cafe used to take orders, the many tables with characters of every kind enjoying their time. As the slender man approached the stage lit by tiny spotlights sprinkled on the ceiling, he prepared to use his weapon against silence. He proceeded to place his leather case on the small table used by the previous entertainment and opened the case revealing the polished saxophone underneath. Gingerly, he took out his instrument and licked his dry lips, accidentally leaving a trail of saliva on his groomed mustache. Then the crowd noticed him, and went silent, accepting the gift about to be given. “This is a fine dressed man”, they thought waiting anxiously for the man’s talent.
Then he played, and played, and played, and played. Blessing the souls of all the inhabitants with expertly chained together notes of jazz. It was a long time since a performance like this, and the crowd was hungry for more. People who had just walked in were gracefully picked up by the smooth waves of the music, and in their entrancement, decided to stay and enjoy some coffee. The music went loud, quiet, soft, and feral. He didn’t need any drummers or singers, but his music sang for itself. He kept going, launching into fast-paced solos then bringing it back down like a mother laying it’s baby’s head on a pillow. Alas, all good things have to come to an end, and when the man pulled the brass from his lips the crowd was left satisfied. This was the day they wanted, the day they deserved. The man asked for no payment, for his payment was the joy and inspiration of others. So he left, without a word, instead leaving behind an array of smiles, joy, and peace. All this, at the small cafe at the corner of New York.
https://giphy.com/gifs/kclogg-psychedelic-jazz-25799pYPgY5ry
Dear Jimmy,
I would like to start off by saying thank you for this entertaining yet insightful piece of writing. I was very glad I had got to see some insight into your mind and your imagination which I think is amazing and was very entertained by all the detail you had put into it regarding the leather case and the reactions of the audience.
As for improvement, when you said he played I feel that you repeated it a lot or didn’t make it clear how you wanted it to be said. I went back now and read it how I assume you wanted it to be said and think that it makes sense, but when I first read it I was left very confused to how it was meant to be said.
Other than that I loved how great this piece was and how you incorporated so much detail into it.
Thank you,
Amit
Dear Amit,
I would like to start this off by saying, no, thank you! It’s great to hear you enjoyed this piece and even caught on to the more confusing parts quickly.
-Jimmy
Dear Jimmy,
I very much enjoyed this marvelous piece of yours. Usually I tend to find my friends or peers work that is cliche or at least some aspect of their piece, but in your work here, I find this very unique and really liked the use of figurative language that you have applied.
There are some aspects to your piece where there is a lack of description. If you could maybe enhance your detail this piece of yours would truly be great, satisfying the reader with a proper image to cling onto while reading your work.
Nonetheless, I loved reading this piece.
Thank you,
Muhammed
Dear Muhammed,
Thanks for enjoying my writing! I’m trying to expand from what I normally do, so its good to see you still liked it.
As for your feedback, do you think you could specify where there is a lack of description so I can improve on it?
Thanks,
Jimmy
Dear Jimmy,
I decided to take a trip into the depths of your blog and was very pleasantly surprised! Your free choice here is splendid and I very much enjoyed reading it. Your imagery was very nice and put a great image into my head of the place where this was happening. I think this could also be a wonderful canvas for you to use in the future as well. So much potential.
My only criticism would be that I would’ve liked to see this lengthier. I believe some more characterization of the player would be enjoyable.
Nice job, Jimmy. I look forward to coming back to your blog in the future after seeing great work like this.
From Zaid
Hey Zaid,
Nice to hear you liked the first post you read on this blog!
As for the length of the story, I agree, it could be a little longer; but I think to go for more might overstretch the story. The character, however, is supposed to be this way, kinda empty, and mysterious.
Thanks,
Jimmy
Dear Jimmy,
I really admire the topic for your free choice, and the smooth and simple way it starts and ends. I especially like the peculiar gif above it. I could clearly visualize everything that occurred throughout the piece. The way you started off your piece was an instant hook for me, because I went to New York City during the summer of 2017 and could relate tremendously to the following phrase: “…weary travelers and passerby’s of New York City.”
For writing advice, I don’t have much other than the fact that this line: “…like a mother laying it’s baby’s head on a pillow,” should have ‘its’ and not ‘it’s’. There are just a few more grammatical
errors similar to this that you would want to fix. As a result, they’d help the piece flow a little more smoothly.
Once again, I really enjoyed reading this free choice, and look forward to reading more of your writing.
Sincerely,
Unas
Dear Unas,
That’s great! It’s pretty awesome to hear that you enjoyed it so much, and it’s interesting that I was able to make you feel like you were in New York, as I’ve never been there before.
Also, thanks for the advice, I’ll be sure to work on re-reading my work for small errors like that.
Thanks again,
Jimmy
Dear Jimmy,
I thought this was done really well. I felt like I was in this cafe. The imagery used really enhanced my reading experience.
I felt when you were describing how he was playing the saxophone, you could have said how he was feeling. It would have added a depth to that character.
Cammie 🙂
Dear Cammie,
Thanks for the feedback, and it’s great to hear you were able to feel like you were in the cafe, as that was my goal when writing this piece.
As for the depth of the character, that’s kinda what I was going for. I wanted him to be mysterious and kinda empty.
Thanks again
-Jimmy